Mean Girls! For real.

OK Kids, it's time to get down and dirty here. I can't help but notice Ms. Linday Lohan's prominence in the media, and I can't help but wonder why the hell anyone cares.

On that note I want to tell you all a little story I heard out west about some barely legal, overly publicized "actress" who may or may not have developed early or undergone surgery.

I worked on a play in Los Angeles with a girl we'll call Sam. Sam is freakin' gorgeous and really really cool. Born and raised in LA, Sam decided not to go to college and is trying to become a professional actress.

After the show we worked on together she got the best part-time job one can have in Hollywood: valet parker. For gobs of money per hour, plus tips, you get to park celebrities' cars.

One night at a certain party, Sam told me over burritoes, a certain aforementioned unnamed actress drove up. Sam, bein' the cool chick she is said to the actress, sorry we're full. There were no parking spaces left.
"What?! Park my car!" the actress yelled.
"Sorry, I can't. We're full," said Sam.
Then the actress actually said this, "Do you know who I am???!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!"
To which Sam cooly replied, yeah, of course I do. Then the aforementioned unnamed actress threw a hissy fit which culminated - I shit you not - in this statement, "I'll make sure you NEVER work in this town again," to which Sam furrowed her brow, looked the aforementioned unnamed actress straight in the eyes and asked, "As a valet parker....?" and laughed.

Ah yes, Los Angeles. All the stories you hear are true. It's like living in one big high school where everyone will lie and cheat their way to get to the top. Except for Rachel McAdams. I hear she's really awesome.