Like, Oh My God, I So TOTALLY Get It!

I think my friend's 14 year-old cousin might be on to something.

According to my friend, the aforementioned cousin just moved, is really spoiled, has a new best friend (the quarterback of the football team), gets rides to school with aforementioned quarterback, gets taken out of school for scuba lessons and thinks she knows more than my 24 year old friend.

I told my friend to tell her cousin that she doesn't know anything. Then I realized that we're just 24 and we don't know anything either. Then I realized I don't want to know everything because that's really boring and what would I blog about if I knew everything?

But I decided that to be 14 and lame and girly is a good idea. Things seem to be working out for her. This is why I've decided to change.

Here, learn a little bit about the new me:

OK, so, like, today I ate an entire apple for breakfast and that's like so many carbs I just don't know what I do. I MUST go to the gym and run for like a whole 20 minutes in my new outfit then sit on the bike for 15 more because In Style just came out with their Makeover issue.

I'm totally in love with Ashton Kutcher. I have his picture all over my wall. We're gonna be BFFs for like ever because Samantha, my old BFF, like, totally stole my old boyfriend Randy. We had sex in the back of my parent's Audi like just last week and I dont know what is up with him! Gosh. At least there's Ashton.

Anyway, in addition to Ashton I have a new crush on a boy named Alex. Alex is like totally hot and really likes sports. That's why I've decided that the New York Yankees are my new favorite team ever because they like, totally always win and everything and who wants to be a loser anyway? Derek Jeter is my favorite player. He is so hot, like, oh my god!

Also, my favorite movies ever are:
10 Things I Hate About You
The Wedding Planner
Mean Girls
Jessica's Duke's of Hazard
and that new movie, whatever it is with that Wilson brother because he is so FINE!

Also, my favorite songs of all time are:
Toxic by Britney Spears
anything by Jessica Simpson
Chariot by Gavin Degraw and like, John Mayer before he got so old and boring.

I totally need to get my nails done and my Tiffany's heart necklace shined.

I have a date on Friday with Alex and like, I totally need to go buy a new thong at Victoria's Secret because, like, I threw everything away after Randy cheated on me.

At least there's Ashton.

Anyway, that's pretty much my day. Off to get a facial now and a latte with my ladies at Starbucks this evening.

This humidity has just got to go, though, because like, my hair is just a total mess! Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I can leave my house at all...