Platinum Protection
In order to sign a lease on an apartment in New York City you must make at least 30-45 times the monthly rent. For a three bedroom apartment that is just *perfect* and happens to be in that nice part of Harlem and happens costs $2,400 a month, because of various city laws you must make at least $72,000 a year in order to rent the aforementioned apartment. But when three people try to rent the apartment - two of whom are 24, the third of which is an actor - it makes things a little more difficult.
Because I am 24 and do not have a job and am not married and do not make anywhere close to $72,000, or really even a third of that (which would be $24,000 a year), I am having a hard time leasing this apartment with my two comrades.
You see, it's been a hell of a year for me and it's looking like it's not going to cap off easily, it's going to... more like, bust the cap off and leave me thinking about how I'm 24 and have no money and no real job and no marriage, no assets or savings bonds or trust fund or anything - all of which seem to be requirements to move to New York City, which has been a dream of mine for about the last eight or nine years.
Because, you see, I'm ready. I'm ready to move, to move on, to have a job with a salary and end the year with just one W-2 that shows I made one chunk of change in one city in one state - a place I can call my home. For good.
But see, in New York City, if you cannot make 30-45 times the monthly rent you have to have guarantors - which everyone who is 24 has - and your guarantors must make 75-80 times the monthly rent, which means in order to rent that New York City apartment they must make at least $180,000 a year. Now, if you make $180,000 a year why would you want an apartment in Harlem...? Even if it is the nice part...
But you see all this red tape is so stressful because it's all back to money - it is - it's all about how much combined income you all make and your parents make and whether or not you'll have that one W-2 one job when you move to the city, but why would you get that one W-2 one job before you move when you have no place to live, but you cant get a place to live without having a job and it's just a case of what comes first the chicken or the egg, but we're not dealing with regular poultry here folks, it's more like a golden egg and possibly a platinum chicken.
Leave it to New York City to require you to have a platinum chicken.
But here we are, you see, December 1st 2005 and there are 30 days left to this year, this chapter I just want to be over. I do not want to be broke, I do not want to live in the house where I grew or up or in Los Angeles. I do not want to date stupid people and make bad choices. I want to begin. For real. But there are gobs and gobs and gobs of red tape in the way and I just want to scream out that you need to trust me, that I will pay my rent - just $800/mo it is, not 180K - I will make it work because I want it more than anything in the world right now.
Sadly, that is not enough.
I just want it to be over, you know? Over so it can really begin.
Because I am 24 and do not have a job and am not married and do not make anywhere close to $72,000, or really even a third of that (which would be $24,000 a year), I am having a hard time leasing this apartment with my two comrades.
You see, it's been a hell of a year for me and it's looking like it's not going to cap off easily, it's going to... more like, bust the cap off and leave me thinking about how I'm 24 and have no money and no real job and no marriage, no assets or savings bonds or trust fund or anything - all of which seem to be requirements to move to New York City, which has been a dream of mine for about the last eight or nine years.
Because, you see, I'm ready. I'm ready to move, to move on, to have a job with a salary and end the year with just one W-2 that shows I made one chunk of change in one city in one state - a place I can call my home. For good.
But see, in New York City, if you cannot make 30-45 times the monthly rent you have to have guarantors - which everyone who is 24 has - and your guarantors must make 75-80 times the monthly rent, which means in order to rent that New York City apartment they must make at least $180,000 a year. Now, if you make $180,000 a year why would you want an apartment in Harlem...? Even if it is the nice part...
But you see all this red tape is so stressful because it's all back to money - it is - it's all about how much combined income you all make and your parents make and whether or not you'll have that one W-2 one job when you move to the city, but why would you get that one W-2 one job before you move when you have no place to live, but you cant get a place to live without having a job and it's just a case of what comes first the chicken or the egg, but we're not dealing with regular poultry here folks, it's more like a golden egg and possibly a platinum chicken.
Leave it to New York City to require you to have a platinum chicken.
But here we are, you see, December 1st 2005 and there are 30 days left to this year, this chapter I just want to be over. I do not want to be broke, I do not want to live in the house where I grew or up or in Los Angeles. I do not want to date stupid people and make bad choices. I want to begin. For real. But there are gobs and gobs and gobs of red tape in the way and I just want to scream out that you need to trust me, that I will pay my rent - just $800/mo it is, not 180K - I will make it work because I want it more than anything in the world right now.
Sadly, that is not enough.
I just want it to be over, you know? Over so it can really begin.
posted by AllDeTime at 12:36 PM
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