How (Not) to Hit on Me. (WARNING: This post might include teasers... but not, like, sexual teasers)
I work with this boy who I think might be slightly retarded. (We'll call him SLB.) Seriously, it's been four months and I don't know what his deal is. Once he told me I had a bad attitude. I told him he brought my bad attitude out. At the Corporate Coffee Shop we call this kind of interaction "teamwork."
So SLB and I work together those very few times when I work in the afternoon, and he always tries to talk to me. I really hate it when people try to talk to me when they are freakin' annoying and I'm trying to do my job. It's like, don't talk to me when I'm making seven drinks at once, don't talk to me when I'm carrying gallons of milk, don't talk to me when I've worked all freakin' morning and I'm exhausted, and just generally, if you're SLB, don't talk to me at all.
Most of the "conversations" are total small talk: "Sooo.... .... ... um, what kind of concerts do you like?" Or "Soooo.... uh.... .... you like... um, where did you live in California....?" (I've told him a gazillion times.)
Anyway, one day SLB asks me my fave TV show. (Sex and the City and the Sopranos) I was in a good mood so I went off on how I love the Sopranos and how we used to watch it every Sunday in Baltimore and how, when I first moved to LA, I watched the entire series from start to finish. This was a huge personal goal of mine. SLB chimes in then saying that he loves the series as well. Excellent, I think! Something we can relate on. So I bring up a few episodes here and there, my whole theory on how Season Five totally blew ass until it came out at the end and bitch-slapped you across the face with the greatest, most shocking moment in all of Sopranos history. "Yeah," SLB said, "I totally agree.... wait.... I forget what happened..."
I. HATE. THIS.
If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the fuck up. Don't agree with me if you don't agree with me. And if you claim to be a Sopranos fan, how on earth could you forget the end of Season Five?!
?!?!?!??!
?!
I think my jaw literally dropped. "I mean," I said, "You don't remember when they drove Adrianna out into the woods and shot her dead?!?!?!?!"
Jesus Christ. What a moron.
So please, if you're trying to hit on me don't be a freakin' moron. Try something like subtly slipping in a, 'hey, if we ever make out I'm gonna put a horse's head in bed with you in the morning' reference or some sort of 'this friend of mine, in Jersey, his uncle like knows these guys..." thing.
But above and beyond anything else, don't be a dumbass retard.
So SLB and I work together those very few times when I work in the afternoon, and he always tries to talk to me. I really hate it when people try to talk to me when they are freakin' annoying and I'm trying to do my job. It's like, don't talk to me when I'm making seven drinks at once, don't talk to me when I'm carrying gallons of milk, don't talk to me when I've worked all freakin' morning and I'm exhausted, and just generally, if you're SLB, don't talk to me at all.
Most of the "conversations" are total small talk: "Sooo.... .... ... um, what kind of concerts do you like?" Or "Soooo.... uh.... .... you like... um, where did you live in California....?" (I've told him a gazillion times.)
Anyway, one day SLB asks me my fave TV show. (Sex and the City and the Sopranos) I was in a good mood so I went off on how I love the Sopranos and how we used to watch it every Sunday in Baltimore and how, when I first moved to LA, I watched the entire series from start to finish. This was a huge personal goal of mine. SLB chimes in then saying that he loves the series as well. Excellent, I think! Something we can relate on. So I bring up a few episodes here and there, my whole theory on how Season Five totally blew ass until it came out at the end and bitch-slapped you across the face with the greatest, most shocking moment in all of Sopranos history. "Yeah," SLB said, "I totally agree.... wait.... I forget what happened..."
I. HATE. THIS.
If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the fuck up. Don't agree with me if you don't agree with me. And if you claim to be a Sopranos fan, how on earth could you forget the end of Season Five?!
?!?!?!??!
?!
I think my jaw literally dropped. "I mean," I said, "You don't remember when they drove Adrianna out into the woods and shot her dead?!?!?!?!"
Jesus Christ. What a moron.
So please, if you're trying to hit on me don't be a freakin' moron. Try something like subtly slipping in a, 'hey, if we ever make out I'm gonna put a horse's head in bed with you in the morning' reference or some sort of 'this friend of mine, in Jersey, his uncle like knows these guys..." thing.
But above and beyond anything else, don't be a dumbass retard.
posted by AllDeTime at 12:51 PM
4 Comments:
I think your problem may be that you keep using the term "boys".
What're you, 17?
I actually wrote "guys" then deleted it because this kid is a boy. For real. Not even a guy. A boy.
My mom and I always have this conversation about how I don't want to date a man, nor do I want to date a boy. I want to date a man boy: one who is essentially a man but knows how to act like a boy.
Dig?
Got it.
Maybe this site will give you some luck with your quest for a Man/Boy.
I gotta differ with you there, darlin.
Adrianna had it coming. ;)
-Negam
Post a Comment
<< Home